There is a classic book – many years a classic – called “Women Don’t Ask”. And the title tells you exactly what the content is about. In my career as coach to business and personal, I need to add, that the majority of people “negotiating” have little to no idea the valued outcome that they want from negotiating and repeatedly fail to ask for it.

Before you begin your negotiations, answer the why, when, how, where, for your position before you ever set foot on the screen or physical space so you will know where you are in the negotiating. Knowing and communicating for the valued outcome keeps you present to your confidence; when you feel insulted; the reasons you react and being present/knowing when something is working or not working.

Know your valued premise for negotiating. Reacting is natural, but it rarely gets you what you want. It is like being in the shower 3 hours later and groaning “damnit, that is what I should have said”. Know ahead of time the value of both sides of negotiating well. It is never win or lose. It’s is this what you need; is this what is most important; is this what guides the actions of your communication?