We have unlimited resources, 24 hours in a day, freedom of choice and amazingly persistent self-doubt. Research shows that we learned to doubt ourselves very early because of family, school, environment and perceived mistakes and failures.
Many of my wonderful clients have vivid memories of making a mistake or failing from the age of 3 or 4. It is a negative memory for them filled with shame or discouragement or disappointment from their families.
What is it that is so powerful to us at that age that we remember it years later as a negative? And if we remember it now, how did the situation color our beliefs and values of what was important to learn and do?
My grand boy is a little boy who will be 3 soon. I don’t want him to have any negative memories of disappointing anyone. He is a little, tender hearted, learning machine. Nothing is perfect yet except for how he can handle the hose full strength and get you soaking wet.
We were all little. We were trying to fit into our families and environment. We were learning what was important – or perceived to be important – in our families that became fixed and powerful rules.
Let me share with you some of the rules my clients learned as small children:
- Do not cry, ever, no matter how badly it hurts
- Money does not grow on trees – do you deserve this money – what have you done to earn this money
- You will eat that vegetable on your plate or else
- Suck it up and be a man
- Do not move any furniture in your room without my permission
- Shouting, “you wet your bed again” so the whole house could hear
- Put your toys away now, in this place and in this way
- Do not color outside of the lines
- Do not interrupt me ever, for any reason, I am talking
- Don’t make me take off this belt and hit you with it
No matter how these messages were passed to us as tiny children, the anger is what we remember. The lack of safety around the message was the message. We imprinted with messages that were not even there – only perceived that we better not do what we were told not to do or we will be unsafe; unloved; left alone; punished.
What do you do to begin to counteract these messages right now?
Know where you are and who is running your thoughts. Critical thinking – criticizing you 24/7 with that voice in your head – can be counteracted immediately.
Become aware of the voice – thank it for showing up – dismiss it with “I don’t need or want that message anymore”.
My favorite mantra or affirmation is: “I got this.” I take a few deep breaths and then I do “got” this.
I do not coach people who are 3 and 4 years old, but their perceived mindsets and beliefs learned at these ages can keep them from being in charge and successful right now.
That brilliant brain of yours within your remarkable body does not any longer get to rule your thoughts and actions. Be present, take a deep breath and know you can “get” this for you. Allow me to share some of what I consider to be the most powerful of mantras and affirmations. You can write them on your bathroom mirror, put them in your device, hang them everywhere for you to see, keep the list in your pocket to retrieve whenever you need them:
“My body is healthy; my mind is brilliant; my soul is tranquil.”
“All is well with my world, right here and right now.”
“I possess the qualities needed to be extremely successful.”
“I am safe and I got this.”
There are thousands of affirmations and mantras you can use. Develop your own, but until you get to the space where it is natural and easy, allow me to support your next steps of “feeling good” success.
To Your Success,
P.S. I have a few VIP days left in the year…just for you. We get together for dinner the night you arrive in Nashville and then spend the entire next day reviewing what is working and what is next for you. It is fun, demanding, exhilarating, revealing and life changing. You deserve this time and review. You will find out where you are in life…how you are…the next steps for you that are clear and absolutely possible for you to achieve. I would LOVE to work with you. Just write me a note and tell me you are interested and we can have a call to discuss YOUR details of your VIP with me. You deserve this time and clarity!!