“He/She is such an annoying and stupid person”.
Tell me how you really feel about communicating with them. If you are already in reaction mode, your communication is probably not going to go well. You are in “reactive” mode and whatever is discussed you are going to not get it…your listening is already poor and your receptivity to any information from them is nil.
And you are part of this problem. When you are reacting to not even speaking to them, just thinking about them, means you have some responsibility for the lack of communication ease.
Right, I know. They are stinkers.
But what if they are not?
What was the set up that put you in this kind of “reactive” mode?:
- They are your boss and they are just stupid
- You got embarrassed in a team meeting and will never forgive them
- The email you sent was “deleted before read”
- Never, ever have they respected the time set up for your one on ones
- Your ideas are not receiving any credit
- That performance review is 6 months late and no hints have helped to get it delivered
- Trying to get a response to your requests is impossible
Any of that sound familiar? There is no human out there that is perfect all of the time. Your boss; teammate; colleague; client could have committed a bit of a wrong (you reacted in a very primal way) and it has never been cleared up or discussed.
As humans we tend to embellish the stories – add details that never happened, that help us stay “right” and defensive. We will never get over something and we will never forgive “them” for the wrong done to us.
At some point, the steam of the wrong needs to be released. At some point, you need to take a look a the original “wrong” and examine it to see if it is still relevant and if you are part of the communication issues.
“Natalie, why do I have to examine this? What about the stink bomb that started all of this?”
To be truthful and direct, what is the point of continuing the feud – it is most likely only in your mind. They certainly don’t remember it.
One of my clients was clear her boss was a idiot. I pointed out to her that he was the boss; she had made a commitment to the team and organization to contribute and do her best. Being angry at an idiot only drains your energy. If he or she is an idiot, it will be eventually revealed. Just for the record here, it was. Her boss has been removed from a very prestigious position for his inability to shift and change with the needs of the organization. And my client feels badly for him.
How can you be so angry and then feel bad? It is because as a remarkable commitment-prone contributing leader, part of your value set is to care and contribute.
Stop the anger and finger-pointing. Trust me, you are circling your own wagon.
Find something really cool to pour your “anger” energy into…like maybe you??
To Your Success,
P.S. VIP days are powerful and help you choose your next success producing actions. Come on over to Nashville – we will have dinner and then spend the entire next day on just you and your next steps. You deserve this kind of focus and attention. Send me a note and let me know you are interested in VIPing with me. Let’s do this together!!