Three weeks ago I was one of the keynote speakers at a women’s retreat. The topic for their weekend was Forgiveness.
40+ women gathered together to share with each other their time and their stories and their learnings about life stressors with the topic of Forgiveness.
Taking your time to attend a retreat from Friday through Sunday afternoon requires a big decision on how you want to spend your time and then how to you justify it to yourself and those who will be covering for and supporting your time away.
(might even have to forgive yourself before you get to the retreat for taking the time – just sayin)
When I spoke to these women, I saw the your face. Male or female. I saw challenged, smart, bright, exhausted, stressed out, and judgmental humans. People who needed this retreat even more than they thought they would.
The setting was in TN in the mountains – with hiking, beautiful areas for resting and thinking and deep in nature so you could not go screaming to a grocery store to get your fix of something.
Some rain. Some sunshine. Flip flops, capris and favorite jeans. A sweatshirt and jacket for the evenings. No makeup. Flexible breakfast hours for sleepy heads. Nutritional food made by experienced quiet people who understood why you were there.
Quiet all around.
Except in your head.
Now that you are here at the retreat, you are faced with the idea of forgiving and seeing those terrible jerks in your head that you would never, could never forgive.
Those terrible jerks or situations that keep running through your thoughts constantly – for years even.
And here you were being asked to consider the ideas of forgiving yourself and them.
I M P O S S I B L E
Some of the comments that these women shared with me are:
- “I will never forgive that stupid ba tard.”
- “I know I should forgive and forget, but I can’t forget it – it consumes me.”
- “My father (or mother) damaged me and I will never forgive.”
- “You do not understand what happened to me and how I could never forgive anything that horrible.”
So here is the key. You do not have to forget anything. In fact, as your coach here in these blogs, I don’t want you to ever forget because I want you to be clued into your life in case any indication of that kind of situation were to show up again. I want you to be prepared to know and avoid the happening. I don’t want you to be blindsided by anything. I want you alert and wise.
However, you can forgive because the energy you are putting into the crushing shame, blame and anger is keeping you from being clear, clever, and stress free.
It is as simple as starting with:
- “I forgive. I will never forget, but I can forgive and I do, right here and right now.”
- “I feel good. I feel bright. I feel right. I forgive right now!”
- “I am prepared to feel really good and to remove my stress now.”
- “I like this forgiving thing. And I am getting better at it every day.”
Forgiving is not for sissies. And repeating positive affirmations will not change the entire situation right this minute. You need to take some time and reassure yourself that you want to forgive and stop easily giving away your power to the jerks who hurt you. Write down one of these (or all of them) affirmations and repeat minutely, then hourly, then daily, until you are free from the power of the anger you feel.
Forgiveness does work. I guarantee it and promise it. I have some serious support on this: Jesus Christ, Rumi, Marshall Goldsmith, Tony Robbins, Mother Teresa, Emerson, Louise Hay. Each of these powerful and articulate people faced their own demons (wrote about them). Each said that consistently forgiving and affirming the positive made the difference between living in crippling stress/hurt and designing a successful results producing life for themselves…their families, their careers, their commitments, their communities.
A stress free, highly successful, feel good and be healthy life sounds good to me!
Blessings and love,
P.S. Join me Wednesday June 17th at noon CST for our monthly stress busting telecall. Powerful stuff just for you. An hour to help you relieve your daily stressors and refresh what will work for you to be clear, and stress free, faster than you ever thought possible. You have to register below. We will record the call in case you can’t make it at the last minute.