You know the best thing about a best friend BF is that you can pretty much say, do or be anything and they not only tolerate you, but seem to really want to spend time with you. I have a best friend who is the best listener in the world. That is important to me because I have lots to say. However, which is fascinating to me, she says the same thing about me…I am a terrific listener.
Your BF puts up with so much like you being late all the time; forgetting important details including the fact that you are supposed to pick them up from the airport; having their dog love you more than they love them; you calling their parents mom and dad; being welcomed at ALL the important events in their lives whether it is a birthday, promotion, birth, or saying goodbye to someone they love.
There is little stress with your BF. Maybe some irritation at some point, but little to no stress. You just love them or like them down to their toes,
whatever their flaws and habits.
So why can’t you get along with Stinky. You know who I mean. The guy or gal at work that makes you crazy just the way they look. When they walk into the staff meeting the hairs on your neck stand on end. Nothing they do is right ever. They don’t get it. They are irritating to the max. They have no sense and talk funny; eat badly; make personal noises; show up at the wrong moment; wear stupid clothes and agree with the worst of “that” political party.
The holidays certainly did not help either because you had to deal with all your families Stinkies who get invited and included in all the holidays because they are family. Family indeed. You know that there is a flaw in that reasoning somewhere and one day you will find it and poof they will be gone!!
Each time you react to these people, you are contributing to the overall feeling of messy stress. Your judgment of how they should be, eat, sound, look, wear, say is a powerful stimulant to the cortisol that surges
through your body. You react even before they do anything.
You know you do.
“Natalie, I am never ever going to be friends with Stinky.”
You don’t need to be their friend, but it would beneficial to you if you grew up your “judgment” gene into a relationship tolerance. Less stress. Less mess. Less judgment. Less reaction.
The really horrible part of growing up your judgment gene is that they don’t have to do anything. You do all the work. You make the changes. You lose the reaction to anticipating that Stinky is going to be Stinky again.
Reducing your messy stress is for YOUR benefit. 70 trillion cells in your body react when you react. You really want to give that kind of power to the Stinkies of the world? The power to irritate the juice right out of you every time you are either near them or even think of them.
Co-workers. Sisters. Brothers. Mothers. Fathers. Bosses. In-Laws. Vendors. Partners. Clients. Prospects.
So many Stinkies. So much stress. So many opportunities to not react and give away your power.
Many of these Stinkies could actually be a total pain, but creating stress for you through your judgments, comments, reactions and just plain “righteousness” does you no good.
And they are not going to change until the lens with which you experience them changes. They can’t because you don’t. Easy sneasy.
Take charge of that stress reducing ability to breath through an encounter with a Stinky and I will guarantee your life will change for the better. You will feel better after you get over the stress busting need to do something about your encounter.
Breathing so helps. Here comes a Stinky, take a deep breath. Here comes another Stinky, take another deep breath. Pretty soon your incredible mind and body will get that a Stinky does not mean loss of self control and cortisol production.
You win! Go you!
Simple, not easy. (My clients hate it when I say that to them).
Keep the breathing practice alive for you. Breathe even when there are no Stinkies around. Give yourself space, time, ease, clarity, joy, deep breaths…it works.
I have planned a free telecall with me about your approach to successful Stinky relationships and other messy stress challenges. I am excited to share time live with you and to share the secrets of stress free living. Watch for the announcement for middle January.
Stay warm and safe in my side of the world…stay cool and refreshed in the hot part of your world. Each area is experiencing off the charts hot and cold.
My love to you and yours,