Blessings and love to you and yours. The season is beginning to seep into my bones and gentling me. I’ve been given the gift of listening and observing this year instead of righteous judgment of how you and everyone else should be operating and handling the stress of the holidays.
Most of my life I really thought “Oh for heaven’s sake, just get over it!” But as a 5 time author and coach and “motivational” trainer and speaker, I many times acted like everything was fine. Just fine. All those nice people, having a nice time, being nice to each other and buying nice presents and going to nice parties.
It really makes you want to just punch someone.
Mostly I think I was angry because I was alone. Yes, I had family, friends and colleagues, but in the depth of me there was an empty space that no one, even my beloved Source did not and could not fill.
Why not, you ask? Good question and I am going to give it to you straight.
I did not let you in. You would see my flaws. You would know when I was not brilliant. You would judge me and think less of me. I could not be vulnerable because YOU would take advantage of my weaknesses. You want transparency, go somewhere else.
And then it happened. Almost overnight. All the reading and praying and writing and being open and caring and growing and listening clicked. It just clicked. Like a wonderful last piece of the puzzle being placed and getting to see the whole picture clearly.
You were never the problem with my aloneness. It was always me. And now I can embrace that because I am not alone.
Inside, outside, next to me, above me, below me is ME. This is an essence and entity that I’ve known my whole life and yet was startled by how easily I would criticize me. For little things.
Too many orange candy slices. Popcorn at 11:00pm. Whiny when I did not feel good and by God I better feel good with all the supplements I take. Staying up to late with a great book and feeling tired in the morning. Fibbing when I did not want to do something with a creepy person. Hiding my fears from my very very very bestest friends.
The constant barrage of what was not right overpowered the gentle, generous, funny and bright human that I am. So if I did not like me and support me and I was not going to let anyone in, including God, how did I get to knowing I am not alone?
I forgave me one last time and WHOMP there I was. A new view. A gift of forgiveness. A sweetness I usually saved for others.
And it all happened because I FINALLY got it. I am not alone, never was and never will be.
It has changed me deeply. My gratitude bucket is full to the brim…maybe even overflowing.
As Louise Hay would say: “All is well in my world”.
That translates into:
You are loved. You are a 10th degree black belt in magic. You are enough. You are an answer to someone’s prayer. You are just terrific right here and right now.
You can either accept it or reject it. It’s hard being fabulous until it’s not.
I see you and I really like…love what I see.
Blessed holidays to you. Your gift is here and it is YOU.
My love always,
Coach Natalie,
This is, by far, your best blog post ever and a wonderful gift for all that read it and take heed. Thank you for it and I’m so happy that you’ve accepted your own life’s gifts too!
Merry Christmas!
Sam, you are a good friend and a lovely person. Thank you. Life is good. Miss you and hope that as your hours move through your life that you can hang onto the very best moments so that you own them. Blessings and love, Natalie
Happy Holidays to you and your family and friends! Your blog is always welcome here. Miss you! We seem to be doing well. We are hiking a couple weeks in England. I think you would love the brooks and waterfalls! Loads of sheep. All decorated for Christmas.
Great hugs,
Ross
Ross, so many memories with you. Enjoy England and the hiking. I am moving to a place in Nashville that has its own creek which you know I will be in, around and splashing through it often. Be well. I love you deeply and respect you and your family completely. Blessings in every breath, Natalie
Natalie, spot on! I was about 50 when the same epiphany came upon me.
Eloquently put and with your permission, I will be forwarding your blog to a few select folks in my world.
Thank you for posting this private but most rewarding of introspections.
Peace be with you this holiday season and always.
Bruce, so so so very pleased that this was spot on for you. You have my permission to share always. The holidays can be difficult for many reasons, but so can each and every day of our lives. I wish you deep love and safety in your every breath. My love, Natalie
Natalie this blog was so spot on it almost frightens me! it must be the age – the changing of seasons and how our priorities have changed over the years. It was so many years ago since I met you and yet I always follow you!
Love and many wishes for a bountiful, and healthy holiday and a new year for you and your beautiful girls.
Gail
Hello Gail – so terrific to hear from you. You can call it age. I prefer wisdom. 🙂 Thanks for taking the time to write your thoughts and share them here. Beautiful blessings for you and yours and may you have love in each breath. My love, Natalie
Of all the things I should be grateful and appreciative for receiving, are all the burdens that have not been placed upon my shoulders.