Blessings and love to you and yours. The season is beginning to seep into my bones and gentling me. I’ve been given the gift of listening and observing this year instead of righteous judgment of how you and everyone else should be operating and handling the stress of the holidays.
Most of my life I really thought “Oh for heaven’s sake, just get over it!” But as a 5 time author and coach and “motivational” trainer and speaker, I many times acted like everything was fine. Just fine. All those nice people, having a nice time, being nice to each other and buying nice presents and going to nice parties.
It really makes you want to just punch someone.
Mostly I think I was angry because I was alone. Yes, I had family, friends and colleagues, but in the depth of me there was an empty space that no one, even my beloved Source did not and could not fill.
Why not, you ask? Good question and I am going to give it to you straight.
I did not let you in. You would see my flaws. You would know when I was not brilliant. You would judge me and think less of me. I could not be vulnerable because YOU would take advantage of my weaknesses. You want transparency, go somewhere else.
And then it happened. Almost overnight. All the reading and praying and writing and being open and caring and growing and listening clicked. It just clicked. Like a wonderful last piece of the puzzle being placed and getting to see the whole picture clearly.
You were never the problem with my aloneness. It was always me. And now I can embrace that because I am not alone.
Inside, outside, next to me, above me, below me is ME. This is an essence and entity that I’ve known my whole life and yet was startled by how easily I would criticize me. For little things.
Too many orange candy slices. Popcorn at 11:00pm. Whiny when I did not feel good and by God I better feel good with all the supplements I take. Staying up to late with a great book and feeling tired in the morning. Fibbing when I did not want to do something with a creepy person. Hiding my fears from my very very very bestest friends.
The constant barrage of what was not right overpowered the gentle, generous, funny and bright human that I am. So if I did not like me and support me and I was not going to let anyone in, including God, how did I get to knowing I am not alone?
I forgave me one last time and WHOMP there I was. A new view. A gift of forgiveness. A sweetness I usually saved for others.
And it all happened because I FINALLY got it. I am not alone, never was and never will be.
It has changed me deeply. My gratitude bucket is full to the brim…maybe even overflowing.
As Louise Hay would say: “All is well in my world”.
That translates into:
You are loved. You are a 10th degree black belt in magic. You are enough. You are an answer to someone’s prayer. You are just terrific right here and right now.
You can either accept it or reject it. It’s hard being fabulous until it’s not.
I see you and I really like…love what I see.
Blessed holidays to you. Your gift is here and it is YOU.
My love always,