Truly, none of you have any bad habits?
“Really Natalie, the list I could compile for you”.
Good Habits – a list of good habits:
- Doing what you say you will…being on time with work
- Communicating in a way that people can listen and respond, not just reacting to your words/methods
- Letting people know they are doing a good job…your partner; your teenagers; your admin; your team; youself
- Taking time to breathe, sleep, eat good food, read a great book, turning off your phone at some point during the day/week/month
- Listening, being present especially with difficult conversations and people
- Allowing yourself to make a mistake and recover from the enormous imagined criticism without running away (at least mentally)
- Avoiding excess that does not serve you – ice cream is not on this list (well maybe it is)
- Feel free to add your specific good habits here…
You get my point. You have lovely habits. They serve you and probably all those around you. Maybe a parent began the teachings for your good habits and your 7th grade math teacher inspired you to complete what needed to be completed.
Wherever you learned your good, serving you, habits, congratulations.
Now, what are some of what you consider bad habits?
Bad Habits – your critical list of you:
- Not returning communication in a timely way because that “jerk” can just sit in his/her own juices until you are ready to respond
- Reacting to the political environment with anger rather than good listening to find out what is really setting you off so easily
- Eating too much Andy’s Custard (large please) at 11:00pm and then trying to sleep
- Righteous judgment for you and everyone else when you are tired – not enough sleep and too much stress
- “I’ll show them” reactions – immature, but feels so good until it does not
- Forgetting anniversaries, birthdays, significant happenings, because you are too busy (put your phone down)
- Adding to your endless “to do” list because that is what you have learned to do – by the way, it never all gets done…ever
- Becoming your own worst admin in your leadership position and not delegating the busy work
- Managers manage, leaders lead and you forgot and your habits block you from shifting
- So much more
In all my years in coaching terrific and remarkable people like you…not perfect…just caring so deeply, I’ve never met anyone who knew to do what they did not know how to do.
Explain Natalie.
When we begin our coaching, lots of you say “I should have known that”. Really, how? You cannot know what you don’t know.
Yes you can have certain “gut” pushes to try something new, but the information, habit, knowledge, skill comes from finding out what else is possible and then learning and practicing it.
Take a moment and recall when you found out something you thought you should have known. How much time did you dedicate to beating yourself up before you let it go and just starting learning the next thing?
Some people are naturally good at new info. My two daughters both had interest an in athletics. One picked it up faster than the other. But the one who tried the hardest and created her skills, became the champion in her skill. Softball vs Captain of Co-Ed Cheering. Track vs Music. Airborne vs Musician. Both are truly talented, but they had to find out what was next before they could do it well.
That is you in a nutshell really.
If you have had something on your “to do” list for 6 weeks and have not done it, cross it off.
“Natalie, it really needs to get done, how can I cross it off”. You tell me. Why are you not completing the “to do”?
- You don’t value the thing to be done
- You don’t know how to do it
- You will not admit you don’t know how to do it and need to ask someone for help
- You are afraid that you will not do it well
The list could be endless. What you need to consider is “how valuable” is that item on your “to do” list?
Where do you go to think? I have an Elm tree in my back yard and I sit there. My amazing son in law built me a picnic table and I sit on one of the benches and think. I have paper. I have my phone. I have my favorite gel medium point blue pen.
I sit and feel where I am, admire the garden, note the weeds that need to be picked, thank the Elm (my daughter named the tree Carl) for the shade and let it all go. I breathe. I smile. I laugh at me. The intensity begins to melt and I can then get to my “to do” list and strategic thinking.
Smile more. Breathe more. Name a tree Carl. Be with you. Allow the moments to unfold without your “snotty pants get it done right and now” attitude.
Find out what really should be on your “to do” list.
Your list reflects your habits. Do it or not do it. What you are doing or not doing is the real you and your real habits.
I had to think about my title for this blog longer than it took me to write it because I wanted you to recognize yourself in the title and then get curious.
Final thoughts.
My privilege is coaching with remarkable people like you. I’ve met some people who were truly determined to ruin their remarkable selves with the habits that had become entrenched for them.
We looked at a very simple method which I encourage you to use to find out what you could be really “doing” with your amazing brains and talents:
- What is working and how do you know?
- What is not working and how do you know?
- What needs to change?
- What is next?
NOW, go put your “to do” list together. It will be significally different and so will you.
Take care of you, remarkable you.
To your success,
