My son in laws are very talented and smart men, in their professions and in their personal lives. They could not be more different as individuals, but have the same outlook when something electrical and/or mechanical is not working. In evaluating a quick fix, it usually is obvious. When the problem does not reveal itself…
They take it apart. Washer. Dryer. Freezer. Car. Truck. Old beat up trailer. Children’s bike. $%^&* Dishwasher (again).
Car parts could be resting on the garage floor in a certain sequence, unknown to me or their wives, ready to be evaluated and maybe replaced. The washing machine gets the same treatment. Both of my beloved sons-in-law take apart that which is not working and is not an easy fix.
Sometimes it is messy, but most times, to them, it finally makes sense. While taking apart and then putting back together, many other parts that were not broken might be replaced because they are worn; could help with the efficiency of the other new parts; a newer part is kind of cool and they want to use it…
The fixed “thing” has new parts, feels right, roars with energy and responds to the hands (and mind) of the fixer. It apparently does not matter how long it takes (I so admire this) to make it right and have it meet their needs of “fixing” the thing. They seem patient with the process, once they get the part and figure out the issue.
And now you have the exact process for finding you and up leveling how you feel and how you are operating.
Taking ourselves apart and putting ourselves back together seems daunting until we do it.
Some questions for your disassembly could be:
- What is working?
- How do you know?
- What is not working?
- How do you know?
- What needs to change? A list is a good way of finding out
- What is next in the process of taking apart and putting back together?
When bright, remarkable, dedicated people like you begin to allow that maybe something about themselves is not working, it usually is a sign that EVERYTHING needs to be fixed or replaced.
Not true at all.
Just because you feel awful and your confidence is shot…in this moment…it does not mean your “what’s working” parts need to be replaced or tossed.
Allow yourself the freedom to look at you and acknowledge there might be some parts that need love and attention. So love them. So attend to them.
In loving and attending to yourself, big breaths will help, you might find a better way to communicate; sleep; finish the project; fall in love; change some of your eating habits. So begin with one of those. Find one thing you are willing to love and attend to. ONE THING.
You are powerful and are managing people; products; organizations and lives. As leaders, you have the expectation that the “thing” needs to be tossed and fully replaced. This is not the case. It is rare, really rare, that the whole process needs tossing.
THIS WEEK IN COACHING LAND: She was sure that this time was going to be the end of her confidence because she was not fully prepared for the meeting. Hiding seemed like a great option or telling people she was sick so she could not make the meeting. So we discussed how was she not prepared? How did she know she was not prepared? It turns out that she was the subject matter expert on the issue and had missed seeing the agenda for the meeting. (child care issues). 10 people on the Zoom call. I suggested that she ask the meeting organizer if she could send her the agenda (during the meeting) so she could briefly review the topics and to make sure she could help and contribute to the group. “My God Natalie, that is so easy – just ask??” I suggested to her that she probably knew every piece of needed information on the agenda because she was the invited expert to help them become more knowledgeable………
Let me be very clear here. You can examine, even in the moment, what is most important by asking rather than trying to protect yourself from a negative outcome that you are so afraid of.
What is missing for you? Confidence? Timeliness? Thoroughness? Listening? Judgy about the group?
When you actually take time to find out why you are not “running smoothly” it can be such a obvious next step. It is hard to see or understand anything when you are in reaction and defending yourself for probably what is not coming at all.
Take you apart to put you back together again. If you need help, I would love to be part of your “solving” your reassembly.
To your success,
