Whoa, don’t throw that phone. No one is worth that kind of anger or energy. Besides it is probably not covered in your phone’s insurance coverage.
Breathe, get out of the space, remove yourself from the room, building, café, webinar, staff meeting. Just easily stand up and leave.
I had a gal point to her pants when she left the meeting and all the guys turned their heads…no one ever asked her why she left the meeting.
Giving into anger means that YOU have let your irritation go too far.
What have you tolerated, listened to and made OK in the behavior/culture of where you work or the group you virtually work with???
Now having a bad day and taking a stupid comment to the Ent degree is something all of us have done…making a mountain out of a molehill.
However, when you continually tolerate behavior that causes you to react with anger or fear, it has gone too far.
This is more than the #metoo movement. Reactive behavior is not male
Reactive behavior is our reptilian brain protecting us. When you have a bus coming at you full speed, you react. Hopefully by getting out of the way. But when the issue is continual poking you by a “stinker” person or persons, then you have some decisions to make:
- Talk to the person causing you to react and let them know how it feels – be sure to have examples of the behavior
- Move your office away from the culprit
- Leave the group, boss, company
- Ask HR if they need to get involved
- Stop attending the calls, webinars or block your participation
- Learn to understand your contribution to the reactive behavior
This last one of “learning to understand your contribution to the reactive behavior” usually gets me some very big push back.
“Natalie, I am not the problem”…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I call this the set up – the person can now annoy you just by you thinking of them; getting near them; hearing a story about them; hearing their voice; receiving a text or email. That means you are reacting when there is no behavior to react to. You are getting ready to react because most of the time you do.
This becomes your default behavior even when there is no issue or situation, in that moment, that would cause you to react.
DO NOT hear me criticizing your behavior – I am sharing with you how your behavior and reaction have become a habit and stimulated by what is in your mind or history/experience.
You lose. They win. They get to stimulate you 24/7 and you become reactive not only to them, but you become reactive to anything that is close to their behavior;
- TV, politics, radio, streaming, texts
- Group discussions and team meetings
- Staff meetings where a similar tone or behavior exists
- Colleagues, peers and family can easily set you off because you can “see it coming”
Case Study: One of the better leaders I have coached had these automatic reaction issues. She could not stand her boss who was probably one of the most powerful (and inept) in the organization. After our initial assessment and conversation, I told her that within 2 years she would be the new “hot” property in her organization IF she did the coaching exercises and shifted her behavior and mindset. It was hard for her. She was totally entrenched that she was right and he was wrong. But she was coming at it from a place of anger and not her powerful talents and strengths. She is now a senior executive in the organization and he is gone. She is still in awe of her shifts and has turned into one of the most amazing leaders I’ve ever had the privilege to coach. You can give me the credit or the kudos to her recognizing her strengths and then working those…contributing those. Values, mindset, beliefs and a whole lot of shifting is what changed her entire personal and professional life.
May I help you shift from only reacting to using your remarkable talents and strengths?
To Your Success,
P.S. I have two VIP openings left in the year here in Nashville. Sure I will come to your location, but Nashville has lots of great places to visit when we are done with your VIP. End your year on a self-confident high and go into the new year with vitality, power, confidence and an action plan. Let me know you want to VIP with me.